


Grieving White

by Tasha9315



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, James Potter Lives, Lily Evans Potter Dies, Marauders, Past James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 22:40:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18291674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tasha9315/pseuds/Tasha9315
Summary: James Potter survived and Lily died leaving Harry the BWL. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin try to help him through his grieving period which involves a fixation with the color white. A companion ONE SHOT piece to my full fic, Paternal Instincts but it's NOT necessary to read that to understand this.





	Grieving White

**This is AU story one shot where James survived and Lily died, making Harry the BWL.**

It was a quiet morning in the middle of December and it had been a month and a half since Lily Potter had died protecting her son. Sirius and Remus had moved into Potter Manor to help James raise Harry. It was not an easy task putting James back together. He was a broken man who would probably have fallen apart without the support of his two best friends. For the first three weeks, it was a suicide mission to even get James out of bed at all. The only place they managed to get him to go to was Lily's funeral. Even that was a difficult task as James initially couldn't bring himself to attend her funeral as he said it would make her death more real. At that point, they had to virtually get him dressed and dragged to the funeral. As if things weren't hard enough, the three Marauders had to put up with Vernon and Petunia's nonsense at the funeral. Ever since Lily's death, James mostly preferred to be alone which was quite the opposite of his nature. After a period of having to be dragged out of his room, he finally progressed to coming out by himself last week.

Three days ago, they managed to convince him to leave the house but the only place he would agree go to was Lily's grave to leave white Lilies on them. It was hard for James to be there for Harry since he was going through his mourning period that Sirius and Remus occasionally had to remind him he had son to pay attention to. After a month and a half, James' frequency of wetting his pillow with tears overnight had finally decreased from every night to once in three days. Sirius and Remus desperately wanted to help their friend overcome his grief that they were relieved at even the smallest positive change in James.

That morning they brought breakfast prepared by the maid to his room. Sirius pulled white curtains open, revealing  it was snowy day outside with white snow fogging the window.

"Wakey, wakey, James," said Sirius.

"Isn't it too early," he grumbled in his muffled voice, his eyes still shut.

Remus pulled his sheets off.

"Come on James. It's 9am. Time to wake up," Remus ordered.

"You could wake up or I'll blast loud music in here," said Sirius nonchalantly. "Or would you prefer having a glass of water thrown on your face?"

"Alright. Alright. I'm up," James resigned as he slowly sat up on his bed.

"Brought you breakfast," said Remus cheerfully.

James immediately began tearing up when he saw the breakfast of white oatmeal.

"What's wrong?" Sirius and Remus asked apprehensively.

"Lily used to love oatmeal," James sobbed.

He still randomly burst into tears whenever anything reminded him of Lily. Sirius and Remus had been so careful not to mention Lily's name or anything connected to Lily that they were practically threading on thin ice as to not upset James, but how could they have known that oatmeal would remind James of Lily? 

"James, would you like a different breakfast? I could get Cara to fix something else," Remus offered.

"I'm not hungry," said James as he slumped back onto his pillow and curled up in foetal position.  

"You have to. It's either this or something else and we're not taking no for an answer," Sirius ordered.

"I don't think Lily would like seeing something she loved rejected," said Remus.

"I'll have the oatmeal," said James quickly, sitting back up on the bed. "Because Lily loved it."

"James, it would make Harry really happy if his daddy got him ready today," Remus coaxed.

"Yeah, James. At least do it for Harry," Sirius joined.

I suppose I should, shouldn't I?" asked James, with a hint of guilt.

* * *

 

Later that morning, James brought Harry down into the dining room. The sixteen month old toddler looked gleeful to have gotten some attention from his father. Sirius and Remus widened their eyes when they saw that James had dressed Harry from head to toe in all white to the point that white powder was visible on Harry's cheeks. James himself was wearing a white shirt.

"Doesn't he look adorable?" asked James.

Both Marauders nodded and smiled awkwardly. Harry did look adorable, but they were more puzzled at James' fixation with the color white since Lily's death. Ever since Lily passed away, James bought white clothes for Harry and himself, grew large amounts of white Lilies in the garden with magic since it was winter, changed the bedspread and curtains in his room to white, bought Harry a white cot, and painted various rooms in the house white.

"I'm going out to get something," said James as he sat Harry on his high chair.

"Where are you going?" Sirius and Remus asked together.

"You'll see when I get back. I'll be back soon," he said quickly as he began walking out of the room.

"Dada," Harry whined.

"Son, daddy will back soon. I promise. Be a good boy for your Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus," said James as he pecked Harry on the side of his forehead and dashed out before his best-friends and son could protest any further.

* * *

 

An hour later, James returned with his new car, a white Mercedes Benz. What was it with James and the color white?, Sirius and Remus wondered again. That afternoon, the two Marauders found their newly widowered friend in the Potions lab, brewing a potion. The Potions lab was situated in the basement of the house and was mostly used by James' late father who was a famous potioneer.

"James, what are you brewing? It's not time to brew Remus' Wolfesbane potion yet," asked Sirius.

"I'm brewing a potion for flower growth. It was Lily's favorite," said James. "She had a lot of plans for our garden, mostly involving white Lilies and it's only right for me to honor her memory by working on her dream garden."

"James, you're usually not interested in brewing potions or even being in the Potions lab," Remus pointed out.

"This Potions lab was Lily's favorite place in the house, but she never got much time with the lab," he said sadly as he poured his finished potion into a bottle.

"James, we need to talk," Sirius pulled him away from the potion and dragged him out of the Potions lab into the hall and sat him down. He and Remus sat down on each side of James.

"Christmas is coming in two weeks isn't it?" said James in sudden thought. "It's impossible to celebrate with Lily's death being less than two months ago. But you both don't have to give up on your Christmases. Have your Christmases instead of sacrificing them for me," he implored

"James, I'm not leaving you on Christmas. It's not a sacrifice. Harry and you mean much more to me than celebrating Christmas," said Sirius, determined.

"Me too. I'll visit my dad, but it would only be for a few hours," said Remus.

"Besides, it's just one Christmas," Sirius pointed out.

"We couldn't have much of a Christmas last year either since we were in hiding. I promised Harry last Christmas that he would have a Happy White Christmas this year. And now I can't keep that promise," James said dejectedly.

"James, Harry would understand. You can give him a Happy Christmas next year," Sirius said comfortingly.

"And if it makes you feel any better, Harry won't remember this Christmas, but he'll remember the ones after this," said Remus.

"By the way, James, what is it with you and the color white?" asked Sirius, curiously.

"White was Lily's favorite color," said James. "White was the color of the top she wore when we first kissed. White was the color of the skirt she wore on our first date. White was the color of the necklace she wore when I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me too. White was the color of the dress she wore and flowers she carried when she walked down the aisle towards me on our wedding day. More importantly, white was the color of her pure heart," he said reminiscently as tears flowed down his cheeks.

Sirius and Remus nodded understandingly as they both put both their arms around his shoulders. The reasons for James' fixation with the color white was clear now. They understood his grief and understood that anyone in his position would need time to get back to normal.

"James, you need to pull yourself together for Harry. He needs you," said Remus.

"I know. But it's just so hard," said James, unwilling to look at his best friends in the eyes. 

"You're getting there and we're here with you," said Remus comfortingly.

"It might help if you did something you loved," said Sirius.

"Like what?"

"Like Quidditch," Sirius pulled out a newspaper and showed James an advertisement for positions on the England team for next year's Quidditch World Cup. Tryouts are in two days.

"Are you sure about this," James asked skeptically.

"You love Quidditch and you always said being on a broom up in the air was always so relaxing. Maybe this would help you take your mind off things," said Remus.

"Come on. Give it a try for us," Sirius and Remus said together when James was still hesitant.

"And for Harry," Sirius added

"You want to get yourself together to be good father to Harry don't you?" Remus appealed.

"Of course I do. I guess I should give it try shouldn't I," James relented as both his friends nodded in agreement, trying not to look too excited.

"For starters, you could feed Harry his dinner" said Remus.

"I'll get him from the nursery," James agreed.

* * *

 

Trying out for Quidditch worked like a charm as being on a broom made James feel alive again. He made it into the England team and playing on team gradually improved his spirits and sped up his healing process. He began getting back to his cheerful self and cracking jokes like he used to. Although he never got back to being as extroverted or outgoing, he at least got a part of it back. He spent more time with Sirius and Remus doing things they used to do instead of just being the grieving friend they had to comfort and drive. He especially began spending more time bonding with Harry and was a more involved dad. He even began flying at home and coaching Harry on his baby broom. He had quite forgotten how good it was to bond with his baby son on a broom. 

On Halloween which marked Lily's first death anniversary, the three Marauders and Harry visited her grave in Godric's Hallow. There were already white lilies on the grave and they knew Severus Snape had visited. James conjured a heart-shaped flower wreath with large white lilies and small white roses and placed them in front of Lily's grave.

"I'll always love you Lily," said James earnestly as a few tears begin streaming down his cheeks

James sat Harry on his lap in front of Lily's grave.

"Harry, your mother was wonderful. White doesn't just represent the purity of her heart but the purity of our love,"

Sirius and Remus looked on, relieved that James and Harry were going to be alright. They know understood that white no longer represented sorrow, but hope instead. Hope that they could all move on with Lily as a fond memory instead of a source of grief. Not to mention, Voldermort would one day be back and they had a little boy to protect at any cost. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in a full fic of James surviving and Harry being raised by the Marauders, please check out my fic, Paternal Instincts on my profile. I promise that one has better writing that this one and is not a grieving fic unlike this one.


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